she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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