I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
this is an emotional support booty call
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
