He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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