You're completely useless in the revolution.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
