Dual....:-)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
