Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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