I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
