You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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