He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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