So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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