new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
