I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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