True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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