My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
