I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
