Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we're making bets on your personal life
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
