AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
