I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
