I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
