so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
