just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
