1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
