My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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