Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
