He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
