I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
