If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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