Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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