Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
