Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
