I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
