Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
