You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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