True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
