Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
