Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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