AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
