What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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