Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
