I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
