either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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