I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
