I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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