so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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