You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
