if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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