I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
