I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
