the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
