apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
