why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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