Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
