Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
