Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
farters have to be the big spoon...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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