well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
