I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
