I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
