he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
