you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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