i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
