I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
