Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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