i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
